How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 3

Remember the frenzy of the paparazzi when they caught Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, having her toe sucked at a beach? What was the big deal? Was it that she was so well-known? Or was it that this piece of fore play was being conducted in a more or less public place? Or was it the toe itself that did it?

When it comes to love-making, we thought we'd seen it all.

We know people do it in showers and baths, on board tables or under them, horizontally or slightly perpendicular, and vertically flat against a brick wall or against something anchored to the ground. But in all this, the toe just didn't figure.

Sure, we do seem to remember that guy who toasted a beauty of his time by drinking out of her slipper. But we didn't really believe that it happened. Or if it did, we could only assume that the gallant had already had a few drinks before he came up with the idea.

But as queasy as we get thinking about using a slipper as a glass, the imagination boggles at the thought of a toe as a snack. After all, when we look at our shoes in the dark recesses of our wardrobe we know where those toes have been, and are not entirely reassured that they're worth any attention at all, let alone the intimacy of a suck or two.

Yes, we have heard that toes, like other body appendages, are sensitive and can be as arousing as the more recognized erogenous zones. But we also know our feet. So long as we remember that the soles are like sandpaper, the nails as hard as a rhinoceros horn, and about as sweet smelling as a three or four day old fish, love-making and toes will never be an equation in our books.

We'll nibble the ears, kiss the fingers, make a few detours down the length of the body, stopping well beyond the danger zone of the toes.

It has been said that the man who first ate an oyster must have been the bravest man on earth. The same must be said of the man or woman who first decided to try out the toes.

So if you consider yourself a hot lover, and have never tried out your partner's toes, you've still a long way to go.

Vlady Peters, who is a Civil Marriage Celebrant, is an author of three books, "The Complete Book of Australian Weddings", "The small Organisation Handbook", and an ebook, "Honeymoon! A Sizzle or a Fizzle?' which you can see on her website http://www.vlady-celebrant.com